Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
