This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
farters have to be the big spoon...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
