please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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