there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
