Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
