You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
