He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
