I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
