i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
