Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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