I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
