she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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