I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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