You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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