im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
