I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
