I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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