i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
