I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
