Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
tell me about the eggs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
