She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
