I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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