After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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