Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This toilet bowl is my home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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