I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
