Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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