Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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