I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
