Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
