I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
