I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
