Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
