How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
