Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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