Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude i'm inner monologue high
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
