my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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