I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
