so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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