I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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