He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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