I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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