Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
