take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
