Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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