I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
