Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You can't special order awesome
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
