shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
