Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
