is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
