he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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