Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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