Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
