Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
