Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
