Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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