Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dignity is for republicans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
