I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
