Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
