Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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