So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When did angry sex become our thing?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
