I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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