Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
