so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
