Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
