ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
this is an emotional support booty call
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
