Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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