return my video game
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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