My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
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My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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