I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
