she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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