what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
