the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
