it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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