YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
