how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
What drink are we having for lunch?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
